Downtime kills

I have been super busy, so much so I havent even had time to breath,

let alone think.

but here i am, terms over,

projects are finished, and

i am looking you up on fucking google.

asking for closure, which you gave me. a long time ago.

i love you. I wasnt ever lying.

oh sure, i had times where i thought you were out to get me, and i was anoyed by you, and i couldnt fucking stand to be around you. but at the end of the day, i still fucking loved you.

i miss you. i always missed you. we could spend an eternity together, and the moment you left my side, i would feel deserted again.

i guess people call that being needy. and i suppose it is. and i can understand how it could eb draining. i needed to get away from you. i needed to breath, i needed to get my life back on track, and here it is, im making movies, and busy as hell on film projects, in film school, doing what i always wanted to do, but it feels like something is missing.

that something is you,

i miss having you bitch at me, i miss having you dump your days problems in my lap, i miss being able to dump my frustrations in yours, and then we both make out, and curl up together falling asleep feeling better that someone understands our pain. that someone wants to bethere right next to us through it all, and someone just plain loves us, no matter how ugly, gross, or smelly we get.

life goes on.

and i fear it will go on without you, for a very long time.

but thats the choice that was decided upon, and thats the choice that was officially made.

i might as well forget, like i do everything else, except this time my mind is as sharp on the subject matter as if it were happening this evening.

not much i can do, but go get distracted again.

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Categories: Ideology and epiphanies | Leave a comment

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