Its times like these, long weekends, nothing to do, the silence of the night, a lonely solitery house which acts as a cinfinement for the mind, a prision full of thought. When i remember you. All of you, the good, the bad, but mostly what life is like without you. Im sick of being alone. Its midnight thrity, and i need to be in school. i need to be doing something else with my mind than writing about how empty everything feels. Out of shape, mentally, and physically, i could easily slip back into a depression. How do I avoid that? how do i stay out of arms reach from the black lagoon where the mind is only free to wander about aimelessly, toiling with ideas that never see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to drive. ide like to travel again. Ide like to start fresh, to pack up and go. I love the road. been reading about route 66, ide like to go visit, but even the glory of route 66 has succome to depression, and solitude. it no longer stretches accross this beautiful country like it once did, its been broken, much like the hearts of those sitting alone in the dark, dreaming about nothing. nothing at all. what is the fun in life without dreams? what is the purpouse? no.
no, no fuck no, im not going to slide into that trench, im not going to fade wither away and die off like i have so many times. fuck no. i hate that state of unbeing. I fucking hate it. And i refuse to go back there. Please god help me avoid the blackness that befalls upon us in our darkest hour.
i need good music, good friends, structure, vision, and a purpouse to keep ahead. and i will get there. again. wake me up from my slumber, i am ready to go out andconquer the world again.
but for tonight, let me grieve the loss of a best friend, to another failed attempt at a relationship. sleep, sleep is what i need, but you wont let me rest. i need to repent, and wake a new cleansed again. please god let me fall asleep soon, i used to love this hour of the night, i thought it productive, now im gettin golder i understand why people sleep through it. It is literally the haunting hour when old spirits old deeds, old reconings come to claim your mind for the dead. Dead to those currently asleep anyway. but for those of us awake, we may as well be dead. at least wede be better off.
god help me sleep tonight, help my week get started again. help me realze my worth, my value on this earth. make me feel alive again. like the pheonix, cast my soul into the flames, only to be born again, from the fire.
i have had so many of these sleepless nights, thanks to my inhearant bad decisions, i have paid the price, please give me back the life i once had.