I shouldnt of let myself see you again. I should have bene an asshole and said no to pick you up, its always this way, im not sure why i thought this time would be different. Nothing happened. And thats good. a start in the right direction, a rarity for me. So many mixed emotions. Do i touch you, do i avoid you, do i not make eye contact? i try to avoid any contact at all, but thats impossible in a car. N wonder i was biting my nails, i can handle stress, i can handle pressure no problem, i can even handle being yelled at for long durrations of time, but driving an ex 40 mins down the highway makes me lose my mind. I love you, i enjoyed oyu in my life, and i was serious, we dont have much in common and it really sucks, but thats why i broke it off, because we are too distant, and i hated it. I hate being in the next seat over from you, and having to bite my nails to keep my hands off you, my mouth from your lips, but i had to do it. I have fallen for that trap two other times with the exact same outcome, and i dont forsee the future any different. Im sorry, but im going back into hiding again. This was too much for me. Please understand, i dont hate you, but when im around you i want you, but for the comfort you provide me, and thats the wrong reason. You deserve better than that. and im avoiding you so you can let me go as well.
im sorry. my butterflies are turing back into catapillers.