Today I realized. Today I learned something about life. People are cordial, sure, people smile, and pretend to be happy, especially when purchasing some nice shiney item they have absolutely no need for had they been stranded on a beautiful but desolate island somewhere out in the pacific ocean. They bitch when you take too long to ring them up, because waiting in line is the last thing they want when they have this new item they are going to take home play with for a short while, and let the dust bunnies do their work on.
This is the same for all human interactions. All human related objects of lust, impulsive passion. We breath these “desires” in then exhale them back out again, and the further along we tread in life, the more reliant on impulse we become, and the less we truely long for something, giving it the real passion we would desire. We dont need that wait, the only wait we have these days is in the checkout line. The cashier is the worlds defender of passion, the block, the reason we love our items at all after we purchase them. The cashier is the only person who sees through our bullshit, chooses to ignore it, chooses to ignore that piece of ghiridelli chocklate you just had to have, that bag of candy corn, that pint of ben and jerrys, that condom, that photo of you and your boyfriend going at it, that dildo, that porn magazine. We see life, for the reality it is. Sad, and pitiful.
As a dumpster diver, i have evolved to elude the pretentious cashier, the gatekeeper, i have ridded my life of the majority of my impulse, and i am a happier person because of this. I have spent many a nights looking for something. some item of my desire, my dreams, and when i find it, glory be the day, i can wait forever to find a stash of yogart, a pair of fitting shoes, a decent shirt, a new flashlight, and when i get it the wait makes it even more special to me, and even harder to let go of, but i find a way, since i no longer have to pay homage to the cashier, i give these beloved gifts freely and make even more people happy, you see, happyness can be recycled, as can any other emotion, but why recycle the bad? why give anger and hatrid for christmas, sadness for valentines day?
I have many theories as to what life is all about, but what i tiihnk it really boils down to is not your 5 mins of fame, but rather your ability to learn the difference between happyness and sadness, anger and pride, these things create a well rounded soul, someone who even with their add, or ocd, or compulsive lieing, or deciet, and so on and so forth can still learn how to recycle the good things in life,
the planet is going to collapse, it has before, its really not the point, mother nature can take care of herself, but to find a shread of glory, a shard of happiness in the gray is magical, you dont need to go out and buy it, i promise it isnt going to make you happy, it will only occupy your time.
what you need, is to recycle the things in your life that make you happy to others who are less fortunate. with this your life will be that much better.
I love you, i miss you, i will never forget you, i may be hurt, i may be jealous, i may be a pain in the ass form time to time, but its going to fade, my memory fades, and i have found thanks to the above, the more i recycle the good, the bad in my life fades away. there has been tons of good in my life, and the bad can never replace it, but the good is what sticks much longer.
its 7:15 again, and again i ant sleep, i have passed that point several hours ago, thanks in part to my friends on youtube, and other places that keep my mind from sleeping, i dream when im awake through the internet, i love when awake through the internet at times, sometimes more so than in person, now im rambling again.
maybe someday ill go back and edit these, untill then welcome to my restless mind.