holding on like a sticky note in the humidity

I love you, I honestly love you, i dream about you in my sleep, thats how embedded in my brain you have become. I want you. I desire you, your mind, your body, your company, you are the most attractive person to me in all the universe, and yet as you and I know we are not alone. There are more out there. There are more that I love, that you love, and, perhaps im being selfish holding on to you, all of you, for different reasons. For the same reasons. For the parts that I love, and not the parts I dont. I create one of you out of many. Is this selfish? If i treat the pieces equally? If I love your pieces whole heartedly, and devote my energy into each piece at 110%, will it create an atomic bomb? Are you loving me in pieces as well? If you were how would I feel about it? I havent had a chance to stop and think about that one yet. I know what it’s felt like to be a piece of the puzzle, and it sucks.

What the hell am I doing? It feels ok. It doesnt really feel wrong. I feel like im holding you up with damp sticky notes, trying to keep you there, even just barely, in case I need to use you for a quick note. 

On second thought, this doesnt feel real. Being so far away form you, communicating only through electronic mediums, even in close proximity, it doesnt feel real anymore. How do I not confuse the pieces? How do they not overlap at times? How has my life gone on this long, with so many different pieces, and never a full puzzle? Shit. Ide give anything just to see the fucking picture, 

On any given day, I love one piece more than another, but all in all, i love you all the same. 

Maybe some day Ill mix a chemical, and bond you all together, and have my fucking picture, until that day, ill keep burning up phone cards, and sleeping on bus lines, just like I lived 8 blocks away. 

I love you. I hope you find what youre looking for, even if its not from me. And I hope I make you feel amazing while you are hanging around for me.

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Categories: Ideology and epiphanies | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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