Monthly Archives: May 2008

Knoladge

To each their own conception of what is intelligence.

Personally, spelling errors are a science,

one can spew plagerisim all day long

and never say anything worth listening to

One can ballance checkbooks blindfolded,

lie cheat and steal from ones neighbors,

increase ones social status

yet, in my mind,

the only true intelligence is the ability

to form ones own conclusions,

instigate effects beforehand,

justifing, ananlyzing, hypothisizing are all nice

but form your own opinion once in a while

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Dragonflies are good luck

aug 17th, 2007,

When they land on you according to old indian proverbs. Today one fluttered on down to a hault on my index finger. Wouldnt you know it i was in the middle of a conversation with a shop owner whom i had been ripping off free wireless internet from for the past two hours so i could work out some travel kinks. and the owner (an old korean man) instead of tossing me off his porch, brought me out a complimentary free large hot jasmine green tea. (exquisite might i add) What have i done to deserve this generosity?<br><br>Camp is over, and im moving onward to nyc stopping through a few main cities on route bringing along a friend from camp, we shall see what lies ahead. I hope clear channel doesnt take this blog and confiscate it for whatever reasons, maybe i should stop wrioting online and start writing in my journal my friend from cali made for me. <br><br>enjoy the rest of your day. I know i will.

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It gets lonely on the road

So its been close to a week, and im starting to feel the punch all great adventurers and wanderers feel while on the road. It gets lonely when you have nothing to do, and no place to go. Not having a job is great true, its nice not havinng responsibilities, but along with that, you have fewer and fewer places to interact with humans. Sure you can go to the store and chat it up with the cashier, or a bar, or someplace like that, but when you have no money, its hard to last more than a few mins in a place like that, without being tossed out. Sure ive got the internet, but its filled with lonely people as well. What do we do? This is a battle we fight, to have to work for our interactions? What kind of fucked up shit is that? We must slave to interact. No. This i will defy, this i will overcome, and soon enough i will figure out a way to interact with people for free. <br><br>Dear soul, i have not given up on you yet.

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Modest Mouse made my summer

You, my first, my stolen, my beating, my lungs, my butterfly stomach, you took me, made me forced me to change, took my virginity (literally), and then we fed the deer at the beach (or tried to anyway) even though the signs told us not to. That was the best summer of my life.

We frolicked, we ran, we fireman carried each other on our backs, we made out, we scratched our names on the park bench while feeding the ducks, we super soaked each other, we took pictures, we made out again, then we ran back to your bedroom,

god i miss your bedroom, i miss you. Where has the time gone? Where have you gone? You stopped returning my phone calls, you stopped writing me letters, you dropped off the face of the earth, and im stuck here listening to Modest Mouse reminiscing…. and i hate it. You are always my first. Always the break in, the break up, the broken, i wish i could see you again, but im sure youde probably spit in my face, and ide deserve it. But god you could kiss. You were the best. Ive been back to your neck of the woods several times since that monumental summer, but could never seem to locate you, in a city of millions upon millions, the world is not small enough to find someone who doesnt want to be found.

I wrote this for you, but cant remember if i gave a copy to you or not, so here it is, in case you check in from time to time silently.

“i dont know how to start this or what to write, dont worry its nothing bad, i just thought if i started writing you something would develop so far its not working, im just filling up a page with random nonsense. its hard to tell you what i want to tell you. its hard to have to say goodnight. its hard not being there next to you smelling your morning breath, when you wake up next to me in the morning. who will make sure i brush my teeth? wash that hard to reach place on my back (picture inserted in notebook) its so hard not to be able to see you or hold your hand or watch you laugh or smell your burps, or carry you around on my back or chase you around on a bed or a store or kiss you or hug you or play with your hair or give you massages or lay with you and watch movies while making out, whenever i get the urge to do so (which is quite often i might add…)

its so hard to be apart from you, but it will have to be like this for a little while yet. I hope we will survive this distance and come out on top. even though the odds are against us. i hope it will only make us stronger. but i also know life takes many turns and just as fast as we met and fell in love things can fall apart.

so im taking this one day one step at a time, and im loving you more and more each day, and even though i get jealous sometimes its a good jealous it makes me stop and think and realize i dont own you, and you dont owe anything to me, you are still very much free to do as you wish and i have to respect that about you and accept the fact that we may not always be together.

im in no way wishing we would end our relationship, i love you very much, and do not wish to make that mistake again. all im saying is that i have to bite the bullet sometimes and mind your freedom, and understand that you love me, and youre not trying to hurt me, and that i shouldnt try to control you, and i need to let you have your space…..”

and just as it ended there, we were hanging by our last threads, only to break them shortly thereafter, and never speak again.

The strange thing is, the same band modest mouse, was relevant in my future, but on a down note, as the thing i feared you were doing to me, actually happened. Maybe i cursed myself. either way, i lost you, and everyone else, and i have nobody to blame but myself, and modest mouse.

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it’s late, and i miss you

It’s late here,

im selling my car

im broke

im listening to sad country songs by cracker

im missing you.

I dont know if you are even awake, let alone

missing me too.

I guess it really doesnt matter does it?

life is about memories, and scar stories, and ive got more of the latter

my skin looks bad, i dont know if its the cold weather,

but im alone,

it’s not as bad as i thought it would be, im usually alone these days

(well, in my head, theres always someone around following me like a lost puppy, and i dont know why, im not unique. Nobody really is. We build upon that which has come before us, but we use the same words, the same senses, the same tools, the same feelings, the same everything. And we call it original. Its not. Its as generic as modern pop art, or the Sarsaparilla festival. Nothing new has ever been created, it has only been re-invented, adapted, expanded, just as love has been.

My love for you, was not created, it was enhanced, and now its lingering, and will for the rest of my life. Ill always wonder what if… but it doesnt matter, cause what if has already been answered. Here is what happened when…. and here i am. Its 2am, and your someplace else. My arms are empty, my mind is barely awake, and im stuck here thinking of you. As the world keeps on spinning, I hope i dont dream of you. I need my sleep, and my pillow needs a rest too.

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