sleeping with my pillow tonight

The smell of you lingers on  my pillow, even though you’re long gone. I grab onto anything of substance, anything of semi-equal mass of your precious body, praying it to be you, only to find dead material.

When are you coming back?

When if ever will I get to see you again?

Missing you is driving me mad with lust, desire, anticipation, ive got fidgity hands, an egar heart, a discombobulated brain, i cant function without you near me, im a mess. and youve only been gone a short while.

Oh love is such an evil thing.

Tonight im holding my pillow, in anticipation of a phone call from you that will never come. I dont move fast. I take my time. I dont talk much, I listen. I dont hit, i comfort. im not sure exactly what you were looking for, and what you wanted to get out of me, but im afraid I have fallen for you, and it seems the more I long to be close to you, the further away you want to be from me.

C’est la vie i suppose, but it doesnt make things any better.

Im a romantic, i want to hold you, i dont want to have my way with you and be done, im not sure if thats what you are looking for. I dont think it is. it cant be, you are to loving for that. You touch me like I want to touch you, and I cant figure out what is going on in your mind, I wish you would tell me. I wish you would answer me, in any shape or form, it hurts more waiting in the dark than being rejected in the light.

I shaved and got a hair cut today, I feel a thousand times better, and yet you havent called tonight. Where are you vaintellis? Why do you temp and leave? What do you get out of all this? I didnt mean to hit the rabbit, im sorry, i tried to avoid it, I tried to be a part of your life, but im afraid i have forgotten how to kiss, and like my car to the rabbit you have come, done the damage, and drove off unscathed.

I hope i get to see you again, but i probably wont even get a phone call. And I suppose thats the way things are, so tonight ill just have to wrap my arms around my pillow, wishing it were you sleeping next to me, and realize youre not coming back again.

I wish i drank, so i could drink my heartache away, but i dont have any other out, so i drudge onward, waiting, posting this note on craigslist not like you’ll see it. We finally got to the lake, and it seemed that was the climax of our relationship. What a way to go.

(p.s. the above was written around a week ago, i think the ad is still on craigslist 😉

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Categories: Ideology and epiphanies | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “sleeping with my pillow tonight

  1. Renee

    Oh my God.

    That was, without a lingering shadow of a doubt, the most beautiful braid of words I’ve ever read in a single written piece.

    And, not to mention, the most romantic…

    I’m speechless.

    And that’s the only logical reason I can think of that anyone would be foolish enough to not call a man like you.

    My heart appears to have melted into alphabet soup 😉

  2. Melissa

    Renee’s right. It is beautiful. You found this on craigslist? Very nice pictures, by the way. You look so playful. 🙂

  3. Judith

    Very nice writing. Hope things are okay boy child. Be good to yourself.

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