Survival Recipes. Things to eat when you're broke. (and other useful information on how to survive urban homelessness)

I really want to catch a snake before I leave New Orleans. Like I used to do in my youth. Catch a big non-poisionous snake, and bring it in to show my mom, and she would nod and tell me to put it back outside. And then it would crap on me. Wet nasty white and black turds, probably cause it didnt like being picked up and manhandeled. I always put it back. Tried to anyway.

One day i was chasing this garter snake around a tree we had out front, and liek an idiot i grabbed it by the tail. It didnt like that one bit, and whipped right around and bit me on the nose. Latched on, and i was running around screaming bloody murder with this 4 ft snake latched on to my noggin. My mom had to pry its mouth open, and it fell to the ground and slithered off into the woods, having left my nose bloody and my pride bent. Got made fun of in school the next day for having a snake hickey on my face.

I hear theres a school down in south florida on a seminole indian reservation where you can get a degree in alligator wresteling. Ide liek to do that before I die. Its only like 3 grand or something.

Ide love to wrestle an alligator as well, but i dont have insurance. C’est la vie.

Im going to catch a snake and take a picture of it. Even if i have to spend a few days in the bayou. Damnit!